what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
