did you get engaged???
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
