OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
