Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
