yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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