Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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