Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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