My hand turned me down
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i have two assholes
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
