I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
