i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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