the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
