Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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