I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
