I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
