I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
