I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize