Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
