Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
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I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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