Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
