The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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