We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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