check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
