I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
