Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
