I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
