We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't turn off my feet"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
