here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize