We're facebook friends in real life
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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