I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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