Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
