I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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