he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
