is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
