butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
