I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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