Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
