so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
