you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
