I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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