Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
