One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
