If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
