Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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