I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize