toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
