Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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