The maid of honor just puked.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
