i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
