Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
