I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
