Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
