Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
