I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
