when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
