Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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