who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
