Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
