We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
