somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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