no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
