my sisters under your porch take her home
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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