Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hippo gnu deer
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
