I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
