giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
