I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize