i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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