And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
