WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
