My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
