so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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