Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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