I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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