Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
