If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't deserve a penis
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
