1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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