sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
