Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize