I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
