either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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