1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
