there was a trapeze. enough said
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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