Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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